The day at the Crematorium.

It seemed like a quiet place.
Not serene.
More like a quietness for fear and despair to hold on to.
Different people express themselves differently.
I was yelling within.
There were so much going through my mind.
Words were not enough to behold.
In fact, no one truly knew how I felt within.
Only my heart knows.

Do you know something?
When you are frightened of roller coaster,
you won't yell.
You won't even make a sound.
Becos you have lost the power.
You have lost control of yourself to the ride.
When you are scared, the thing that scares you takes control over you.
Your actions, your voices, your expressions, your thoughts.
Everything.

I remember the day my grandpa passed away,
I was only 5.
I thought I could take control over my tears.
Looking at how everyone was crying so bitterly,
I didnt want to add on to that sadness.
But I couldn't.
Imagine a 5 years old girl trying so hard.
Perhaps it's never enough.
Her face went numb.

I'm 22 this year
and I dare to say I have had better control over my emotions.
Not perfect,
since it's never enough.
At least better.
I believe that things only get better and better.

I Wish Upon a Star on Sunday, March 27, 2011